Not so Christmas-y

Our tree this year

I’m really struggling this year to get into the Christmas spirit. My grandmother died during this time and my father in law is fighting a pretty tough battle right now with his health. Some years aren’t bad, but this year I am just grasping at anything I can to try to be festive. I got the lights on the tree today. I don’t want my kids to have shitty memories of Christmas, so I’m trying really hard. Next step is to try to get all these presents wrapped.

I’m working a more than usual this week. I’m pretty excited that I have the last part of the week off to spend with my family. Everyone will be home. My boys are getting older and it makes me wonder how many more I’ll have with them both here.

I’m here and I care.

I am who I am. Not who you think I am. Not who you want me to be. I am me.

-Brigitte Nicole

Be yourself; Everyone else is already taken.

—Oscar Wilde

So here I am!! Shilo. There are so many different aspects of me, and I’m here to share with everyone!! I’m depressed. It’s nothing new. There are no rhyme or reason behind why I am depressed. It’s just there. I figured the first step in tackling and taking control of my life again was to start writing again. Nothing special. Nothing fancy. Just get it out. I hope to inspire, relate, help, whatever it is, to anyone else out there who is trying to survive. Follow me in my journey of self discovery and finding hope!


Hey everyone! I’m just a small town girl living in Northern Maine. I’ve been married to my husband for 2 years now. Together we have 2 teenage boys. 1 has ADHD and 1 has Autism. I work as a CNA/med tech at the local nursing home. I also sell makeup and skin care products on the side. I am overweight and have diabetes. I suffer from depression. The reason I am creating a blog is to reach out and make connections. I’m looking to share my life, no holding back, the good, the bad, and the ugly! Keeping a journal has always been my best coping skill, and I haven’t done it in a long time. I figured I’d do one online and show the real life behind the craziness and maybe connect with like minded people! I hope you all enjoy!!